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About Deviant Core Member Conan Arnold33/Male/Netherlands Recent Activity
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19-05-2016

HI readers. 

I had a lot of annoyance these last 2 years with the writing that I did for my stories. I had no clue what was annoying me so much when I was writing down my stuff. I was writing down something and than a half a hour later I just wanted to delete the entire thing that I had spend hours to write down. My mind was on total lock down, everything when down on pure instinct and I could not formulate what was annoying the crap out of me. Thank to a friend however, I had found out my own writer's bottleneck.

Every time I was attempting to write down a symbioses or a story I notice that I had added way too many details and ideas. And on the moment I wasn't doing that I felt like I was not explaining enough. 
This obsession for details, ideas and over-explaining has started to irritate me quite a bit. I had written down half a page and I was so annoyed that I just wanted to deleted it and start all over again. 

The funny thing, was that for the last 2 years, I got irritated by this on instinct and I could not for some weird reason explain my irritations to others around me. It was almost like my mind was on lock down. It was only after a friend of mine reviewed the stuff that I had written on my laptop that I could finally formulate that was annoying me so much.  

I had started to think a bit about this and I guess this is the issue that every beginning writer deals with. You write down something and you desire that story you had written down to have some sort of godlike value and greatness, you think that you write down something that is so great and awesome that one page might blow the readers away. You stack up idea after idea, writing down story after story hoping that you had written down the one story that everyone wants to read. You keep writing, rewriting, deleting and writing only than to start thinking : "This sucks. This isn't good enough. My ideas sucks. No noes, someone had already had this idea I was about to write. Etc, etc."

It was coming to a point that I almost when psychotic.   

I had started to think about this today and I came to the conclusion that all of this obsession came out of the fear of the political correct critics and trolls. I was fighting a fight that wasn't there, living in fear because of the stupid culture wars!! I was fearing the lynch mobs and yet there was no lynch mob that was coming after me. Hell, what reason did they had anyway? I mean, there was nothing they could had targeted and even when they did I should not had cared... But I did cared and I found out that it has cost me my creativity. The inner critic can be a horrible master and yet for some reason I had grown the fear the internet, the place where I wanted to ask for feedback. It is strange that something that was so far away from the hobby that I was spending time, love and energy on could had such a negative effect on me...

I always knew I had a low self-esteem, But now it seems that I had reach the button. I started to think about this, how on the earth I could crawl out of this pit and start writing something that is a story without having to change the entire storyline week after week?

After some thought I had decided to sit down and meditate on the thoughts first. I hope I can come to a solution to this. 

thanks for reading. 
Female study figure smallbreasts edit by Blackinkbarbarian
Female study figure smallbreasts edit
A other bunch of edits that I had done to one of the template drawings from :icondarkenmarr:  (<-- all credits to the original artist )

This time for a female character with a smaller breast size. :-)

Enjoy! 
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Female Study Template no highheels edit. by Blackinkbarbarian
Female Study Template no highheels edit.
A bunch of tiny edits I had made out of the template drawings of :icondarkenmarr:

This is for a female character that doesn't fancy walking on high heels. XD

Enjoy :-)

All credits goes to Darkenmarr. :-)
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Fooling around with laptop + tablet by Blackinkbarbarian
Fooling around with laptop + tablet
Me testing out the many things of laptop + tablet. 

Program: FireAlpaca

Enjoy :-)
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Hello. 

Not sure who will be reading this. But it has been a while. 

I had taken a huge break from Deviantart because I was having troubles with my story and how I should shape it. Also, I had a lot of social issues and had also faced a identity crisis regarding my ideology and my view in life. Now that all is solved now for most of it. 

As of now, I'm looking at the options of what I can with the uploads I'm going to make. I'm already make a lot of progress with my stories and took a lot of important steps on it. Sometimes you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. 

I had decided after much mental struggle, that I will remove all the old deviant uploads and replace them with a brand new story that is uploaded in a more secured file, with watermark and other features.
One of my friends has arranged a laptop for me to play with and I will be picking it up this Friday.

Since the beginning of 2015 I have a relationship with my love Selma. The relationship is going quite well and it has made me a much more mature and calm. Now, after going through several therapies over the last years I had decided to start writing again full time again. 

Well I better start working again. Thanks for reading.
19-05-2016

HI readers. 

I had a lot of annoyance these last 2 years with the writing that I did for my stories. I had no clue what was annoying me so much when I was writing down my stuff. I was writing down something and than a half a hour later I just wanted to delete the entire thing that I had spend hours to write down. My mind was on total lock down, everything when down on pure instinct and I could not formulate what was annoying the crap out of me. Thank to a friend however, I had found out my own writer's bottleneck.

Every time I was attempting to write down a symbioses or a story I notice that I had added way too many details and ideas. And on the moment I wasn't doing that I felt like I was not explaining enough. 
This obsession for details, ideas and over-explaining has started to irritate me quite a bit. I had written down half a page and I was so annoyed that I just wanted to deleted it and start all over again. 

The funny thing, was that for the last 2 years, I got irritated by this on instinct and I could not for some weird reason explain my irritations to others around me. It was almost like my mind was on lock down. It was only after a friend of mine reviewed the stuff that I had written on my laptop that I could finally formulate that was annoying me so much.  

I had started to think a bit about this and I guess this is the issue that every beginning writer deals with. You write down something and you desire that story you had written down to have some sort of godlike value and greatness, you think that you write down something that is so great and awesome that one page might blow the readers away. You stack up idea after idea, writing down story after story hoping that you had written down the one story that everyone wants to read. You keep writing, rewriting, deleting and writing only than to start thinking : "This sucks. This isn't good enough. My ideas sucks. No noes, someone had already had this idea I was about to write. Etc, etc."

It was coming to a point that I almost when psychotic.   

I had started to think about this today and I came to the conclusion that all of this obsession came out of the fear of the political correct critics and trolls. I was fighting a fight that wasn't there, living in fear because of the stupid culture wars!! I was fearing the lynch mobs and yet there was no lynch mob that was coming after me. Hell, what reason did they had anyway? I mean, there was nothing they could had targeted and even when they did I should not had cared... But I did cared and I found out that it has cost me my creativity. The inner critic can be a horrible master and yet for some reason I had grown the fear the internet, the place where I wanted to ask for feedback. It is strange that something that was so far away from the hobby that I was spending time, love and energy on could had such a negative effect on me...

I always knew I had a low self-esteem, But now it seems that I had reach the button. I started to think about this, how on the earth I could crawl out of this pit and start writing something that is a story without having to change the entire storyline week after week?

After some thought I had decided to sit down and meditate on the thoughts first. I hope I can come to a solution to this. 

thanks for reading. 

deviantID

Blackinkbarbarian
Conan Arnold
Netherlands
Current Residence: Under a teacup
Favourite genre of music: All kins of metal music, video game music
Operating System: Windows 7

Personal Quote: Be critical but also be hopeful
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:iconwonderlanddragon:
WonderlandDragon Featured By Owner Edited May 19, 2016  New Deviant Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the watch
Reply
:iconblackinkbarbarian:
Blackinkbarbarian Featured By Owner May 18, 2016
You welcome :D
Reply
:iconjamiedejonge:
JamieDeJonge Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2016  Student Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the watch! :D You're awesome! ^^
Reply
:iconblackinkbarbarian:
Blackinkbarbarian Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2016
Graag gedaan :-)
Reply
:iconluca72:
Luca72 Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Thanks so much for the fave on my undead monk! Good luck with your project! If you need any characters/tech designed send me a note!
Reply
:iconblackinkbarbarian:
Blackinkbarbarian Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2015
Okido, I will let you know ^_^
Reply
:iconloomedai:
Loomedai Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for noticing me ~ Heart - Free 
Reply
:iconblackinkbarbarian:
Blackinkbarbarian Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2015
You welcome :D
Reply
:iconvirukan:
Virukan Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wah! thank you for those point! That's super awesome of you!!
Reply
:iconblackinkbarbarian:
Blackinkbarbarian Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2014
You welcome :D
Reply
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